What if...

   Annyeonaseyo!

  I use the expression "What if..." a lot in my mind but I really don't want to...

  We can only chose a path and live with all the results from that. 

  I want to be more carefree and just go along without regrets - and I think I'm strong enough to do so.

  Gambate Brux!!!

"Do poepket ssumnida"

Quotations... again? Ahahahahah

  Annyeonaseyo!

  Sometimes we read some sentences that really have a meaning for us:

"Yes, I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive how stupid I was and forget you." (Ahahahahahahah)

"Note to self: Smile, look happy and act as there's nothing wrong."

  And then, you find one that it's what you always say about you:

"Be crazy, be weird, don't be afraid of what anybody thinks." (This is me, most of the times!!!)

  (This will be a free translation made by me from The best of me by Nicholas Sparks.)

"Because you're not only the person I once loved. You were my best friend, the one that always brought up the best of me."

  In every books I read, I think, there's always a sentence, at least, that make all the sense to the way I look at the world, I connect with others and I face life. That doesn't mean that those sentences indicate, explain or justify the most important moments of my life... most of the times, they mean lessons that I've learned on life... some in a very painful way. I would love to say that those lessons are really learned but I can't... I'm addicted to run in circles...

"Do poepket ssumnida"

Looking around

   Annyeonaseyo!

  I'm having fun looking around.

  I'm OK by myself and I'm doing my best to enjoy life and be at peace. So, I just look around and take measures (ahahahahahahah).

  We have eyes to look everywhere and find beauty or points of interest, right?

  That's what I'm doing and there's a good side of it - it doesn't bring us troubles... we're just looking! 

  Ahahahahahahahah!

"Do poepket ssumnida"

Memories that are like footprints

   Annyeonaseyo!

  I've been thinking a lot about my life and about moments when people that were around me made something unique, moved by nothing at all, only to support me.

  And there is one of those moments that pops in my mind every single time.

  That night I was scared, I was cold, we talked, I cried, I yelled, I smiled and I was comforted. In the morning I got scolded by my mother.

  I don't really know why you did it and I'm very sorry for losing connection with you but thank you. With you I was always true to you and to myself. Honestly, I think you're the person that knew me better and that understood me better. I miss you and us!

"Do poepket ssumnida"

Goals?

  Annyeonaseyo!

  I've cut my hair and went out for lunch. I did good, hum?

  

  My commitments for January are finished! YAY!!! 

  February is almost here and I need to make some goals for it, right?

  In February I need to read at least two books (hoping for more thou); I need to book my vacations; I need to get in touch with some people again; I need to re-start physiotherapy; I need to really fix my schedule; I need to develop two of the projects that exist in my head...

"Do poepket ssumnida"

 

Hard days...

  Annyeonaseyo!

  Yesterday was a bad day for me... all the gloomy spirit that I had in the morning raised when I went to work and made me eat all by myself while listening to my music out loud. 

  Gambate, Brux!!!

  Today is also a hard day for me but at least it was a big step in the way of finishing stuff that was pending.

  Gambate, Brux!!!

  Tomorrow I intend to finish reading my book, go cut my hair and lunch out... hummmm, let's see if I do it all.

"Do poepket ssumnida"

I'm happy and gloomy

   Annyeonaseyo!

  So, this is the most important thing today:

2PM - "Heartbeat"

  I'm really happy!!! I envy you, you know?

  And that, along with all the stuff around makes me gloomy... but I'll smile. 

"Do poepket ssumnida"

Hide in the public eyes

  I always knew that the better way to hide ourselves is in front of everyone - you put a mask and smile, joke around and just let it go with the flow... Easy, hum?

  I'm getting pro at it....

"Do poepket ssumnida"

I don't understand...

  Annyeonaseyo!

  I don't understand why people send different signals to others even in the same day... Am I like this too?

  Sometimes they smile friendly, then they act like they don't even know you...

  They avoid talking to you and rush all the conversation but then leave you messages out of the blue...

  They make promises and you become the bad one because you know that that won't work and then they don't keep their promises...

  I'm not confused. What has happen or is happen is what I follow but I truly don't understand why people do this and I'm worried that I do the same thing...

  "Do poepket ssumnida"

Embarrassed

    Annyeonaseyo!

  Yesterday, and for a long time since that last happened, I felt embarrassed twice, I even blushed. The first time, I had a right back answer (because I'm just like that) but on the second time I just left... Gosh, I'm not a kid anymore and things like this shouldn't bother me at all. The thing that makes it weirder is that in both situations it happened for no reason at all, it was just strange... ahahahahahahahahah (just like me).

  I'm finishing watching "Coffee Prince" - it's a friendly drama.

  "Do poepket ssumnida"

Scary...

    Annyeonaseyo!

   It's scary how I can be a whole day doing nothing useful. Ahahahahahhahah! I sound like a crazy person.

  Anyway... a little bit later today I'll be working and I feel like my days off flew without being noticed or useful. I should be angry with myself for just going out once but I'm not. 

  Although I realise that I should meet other people, I feel that I'm my best company and sometimes I'm even to much for myself...

  "Do poepket ssumnida"

Curious and bucket list

  Annyeonaseyo!

  I'm curious about my blog readers... It seems I have readers in Russia, Germany and United States but no one says anything... ahahahahhahahahah.

  So, yesterday I was so calm that I made some notes about things in my life that need to be done, need to be fixed, need to be stopped and so on...

  I also started a bucket list, you know, a list of things I would love to accomplish in this life.

This is what I got so far (in no particular order):

• build my dream house;
• get a meaningful tattoo (or two);
• eat sushi in Japan;
• visit a maid cafe in South Korea;
• write a book;
• learn how to fold origami;
• do sun bathing in Maldivas;
• don't hold back on the things I really want to have, do, eat or wear;
• to be a meaningful person to someone;
• go ice skating on a date...

  "Do poepket ssumnida"

Calm

  I'm calm... it's strange. 

  My mind is always over stuff and goes back and forth but today is calm. I went out in the morning, took time to myself, bought some music and books... oh, and make-up. Came home and watch the end of the k-drama (it was a really funny drama, without any stress). Now, I just sent some e-mails, payed bills, and fixed a pending business.

  Should I be proud of myself? Hummmmmmmm.......

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Funny

  It's funny how people change the view they have from us as soon as they are less time with us.

  I'm a few days in my new schedule and I'm already different... when only the thing that changed is that I sleep less... a lot less.

  And when we are the same and feel the same, there's always the ones that think that we change for someone else. There's no someone else in my life and it's a relief, my life is already complicated enough. And if we are to change, let's do it for ourselves. I've said already that we should always come first.

  My neck / shoulder are unhappy... it hurts... 

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Memories

  "Even if it's crap, it's my cherished memories." - Flowers Boy Ramyun Shop.

  They were talking about episodes of our life that we keep as memories and that don't make sense to others to be kept - hurtful moments, silly moments, common moments...

  The sentence is impressive because it says it all - our memories built what we are and define how we see the world. I don't really need to justify why I kept these or that moment as a memory...

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Biggest problem

  Annyeonaseyo!

  So, after my first day with the new schedule I know what will be my biggest problem - my sleep. I need to sleep. I'm not one of those people that sleep just a few hours and are fine.

  I got home, had a really hard time sleeping and then, at 8a.m. was already up because of all the noise...

  I need to find some balance...

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Vacations....

  For the last years I spent a few days on vacations outside of my country mainly because I like to travel and see other places. I'm a big fan of old buildings, of architecture, churches with piano pipes, differences in culture, good food, impressive desserts...

  I cancelled my trip to the, possibly, three most impressive cities in Italy but I think I really need to go abroad... so, maybe, I will still go to Rome. I'm thinking about it. :)

  I'm a little scared because this trip will be different, I'll be on my own the whole time but I have a mouth and two hands... I always carry a map, paper and pen, so I'll be fine, right?

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Changes

  Tomorrow will be my first day with a new schedule at work (and the one I'll have for the next four months). I'm worried with my adaptation but I'll be fine, right?

  

   I finished the drama I was watching and today I started another one "Flower Boy Ramyun Shop". It's a weird and very funny story about a girl that gave up her athletics dream to have a steady work as a P.E. teacher. A little before her internship she meet a rich boy that plays with girls and that will, eventually, fall in love with her. Her dad has a ramyun shop and when he passes away, a guy appear saying that he's her husband and that he's now the owner of the shop...

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Getting older

  I've seen some Korean dramas and this last one was definitely different from others - "A thousand day's promise" is a very serious drama with lots of crying moments. The main female character finds out, at thirty years old, that she suffers from Alzheimer's. She's an editor, she has an amazing memory and some really sad moments on her life before all this.

  I'm 32 years old, almost 33 and one of the things I wish the most is to get older well. Being a burden to others is something that really worries me because I'm a loner and that hits me even harder.

 

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Friday, the 13th

  So, for the superstitious people, today is one unlucky day.

  It doesn't really bothers me... it's just a day like all the others.

  We sometimes say that "I don't believe in witches but they are around." and it's the same for the Friday's 13th or the black cats, the walk under a step ladder.

  I already miss my goal of picking a word per day for 365 days... it lasted 11 days? Shame on me (ahahahah).

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Loud...

  I talk loud... 

  At my house we all talk loud... it's not screaming. I can scream too but most of the times I don't do it.

  People like to misunderstand it... and, indirectly, tell me that I have no manners or that I hurt their feelings... ahahahahah, fake people... trying to make me feel embarrassed.

  At least, I don't talk so that others can't listen to what I'm saying... even when they shouldn't  eavesdropping.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Invisible... or not...

  Sometimes I feel like I'm invisible.

  Other days, I wish I was invisible.

  Others, I wish I was the most important person in the world (ahahahahah, well, maybe not...).

  But there are times when we think no one notices little changes in ourselves. And no one does? Or they just don't let us know?

  And how about someone comes near us and say that we are different but miss where, saying for example that the new haircut looks cool and we changed glasses...

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Today...

  So, I finished the other book... it was easy reading for me and now I'm moving forward - The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks is the one I'll start today.

  I need to organise my schedule now because of the changes in work times... but as usually, I'll leave everything to when it starts happening... What to do?

  I'm putting part of my life in boxes and that's been difficult. I try not to think to much...

  Word of the day: pauciloquent - uttering few words; brief in speech.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Cooking

  I plan to cook more this year. I'm a lazy person... (Have I said that before? ahahahahahahahah) but I like to cook and to try new things.

  I'll try to do a weekly menu to help me with the shopping and with all the concerns about what to do and ups, I don't have the ingredients for that.

  I'm a big fan of Jamie Oliver, I like Nigella a bit and I like Joana Roque and I have lots of cooking magazines so, all I need to do is work a little bit, right?

  Word of the day: agastopia - admiration of a particular part of someone’s body.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Today

  Today I "worked" hard.

  I begun watching the Korean drama "A thousand days promise" - a story about a young woman who's slowly losing her memory due to Alzheimer's disease and a man who takes responsibility for loving her, against his parents will.

  I started reading The Villa Girls, by Nicky Pellegrino - a story about four young women who decide that, wherever they are in the world and whatever they’re doing, they’ll meet every few years for a holiday together somewhere sunny. It starts in Spain and in Italy, Rosie's life will change forever.

  And I moved some of my stuff back home (with a lot of help from my dad).

Today's word: nudiustertian - pertaining to the day before yesterday, usually used when reminiscing about nakedness… probably.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Re-thinking

  "Lily was doing her Sunday cooking when the bell rang. She was expecting Laura for a while now and thought about going to call her but she was afraid of interfering with her family.

  - Laura, you're late! - Lily opened the door to face a young man. - Sorry, I was expecting someone else. Can I help you?

  - Hello, my name is Nick Sparmos. I'm Laura's brother.

  Lily was surprised. She still believed that Laura was living with an old dad and that was the reason for Laura's rebel way, a misunderstanding lead by the different generations and mentalities... Nick looks like he's the same age as Lily..."

  I gave up on my trip to Italy but I really wish to go abroad... 

  I'm an undecided woman... gosh!

  I need to check some places and think about it again...

Word of the day: agelast - a person who never laughs

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Leaving country

  The last few days, all I hear is people saying they are thinking of  going out of the country to work. 

  I should be brave and think the same thing and just leave. This country has nothing to offer. But could I do it? Me, that relies so much on my family? 

  And there's really opportunities out there that are worthing? If all this world is in crisis, is there a way out for people to find work?

   Word of the day: beseech - ask someone urgently and fervently to do something.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Why?

  I am, I think, a serious person. I mean, I smile and talk a lot but I'm serious.

  I tend to keep my thoughts to myself only and to have my own perspectives on situations.

  Maybe that's why people around me are always worried?

  I have the idea that I'm a really strong person mentally, the kind of people that keeps her convictions solid and her believes based on her honest point of view. 

  If I am judgemental? Yes, I am but I'm also able to say sorry if I understand that I was wrong.

  So, I'm ok. My life is far from perfect and I don't really see a path for me to follow but I'm ok.

(taken from the web)

  The word for today: keen - acutely sensitive, sharp, vivid, strong.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Inspiration

  As you all know, yesterday I was really inspired... ahahahahah.

  I was tired and my body was complaining so I just made a really quick post... sorry!

  Today I found a korean restaurant really near me. I want to try it. I already like the music and the dramas.

  I've been so lazy that even reading is behind... I have so many books that I need to read but I can't find the will to do it... These days I only want to lay down with my music and that's it... wich is not good.

  I think I should share (or at least take note here so I don't forget it or get lost ahahahahaahhaah) the books I'm reading, the manga I'm following and the dramas I'm watching.

  And the word for today is: pogonotrophy – cultivation of a beard; beard-growing.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Quotations

  The word for today: ailurophobia – fear of cats

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."

Mahatma Gandhi

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself..."

Leo Tolstoy  

“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”

Robert Gary Lee 

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Bedroom changes

  My bedroom is not ready yet ahahahahhahahahah I don't really know if it will one day...

  For the people that don't know (that is probably everyone) my bedroom walls were salmon colour and I had furniture from all shapes and colours.

  Now, it has green walls and brown furniture in the same wood.

  These are the courtains:

  And the headboard:

Today's word is "schemozzle" - a confused situation or affair; a mess.

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Before going to bed

  When people ask me how I'm doing I tend to smile saying: "I'm ok...", although sometimes I can think of a few unpleasant things to say... but what do I earn in complaining? 

  Life has been bitter but I still feel blessed in many ways.

   Craig David - "Walking away"

 "Do poepket ssumnida"

Wishlist

  How was your New Year's eve?

  Did you had fun?

  Mine was calm and with the persons that are more important in my life. Of course there were missing some but that's life. We had karaoke and crazy choreografies ahahahahahahah.

  I wish that 2012 will be a good year to everyone, with few real difficulties and with lots of smiles.

  For me, I hope I will have the courage to put myself first and start developing my projects more often. Also, I want to take more care of myself and care less about he little things that are around us to mess up our lives.


1st word of the year - "floccinaucinihilipilification" – estimation that something is valueless

 "Do poepket ssumnida"